Friday, June 1, 2012

The Top 5 Most Metal Beers

Hi! I'm not Jackie. Your regular hostess has been temporally subdued in favor of me, Joe. I'm here to bring you the top five most metal beers out there, which is a bit of a different turn for 'Fruitcake Ambush', but one you can surely benefit from. Y'see metal and beer have been going great together for years and once you get them together with Jackie's recipe's your going to be in for a serious treat! Amazingly, when drinking and even once drunk I capitalize most of the words that should be. Another new thing for this blog, apparently. :D So, without further delay, throw the horns up, put the beer back and get ready for a metallic alcoholic overload!

#5 Dragonhead
I'm not a huge fan of the Finnish metal band Ensiferum, but how could I resist a beer that just so happened to share the same name as one of their old releases? ...that's right, I couldn't resist! Therefore, 'Dragonhead' is #5 on the list of most metal beers!

The Orkney brewery beers are brewed in the beautiful Northern isles of Scotland and this dark, intense and fully-flavoured beer is their tribute to the Vikings and their cultural legacy in Orkney. At 1 pt and 0.9 oz in size and with 4.0% alcohol by volume its probably going to please that wannabe Viking within us all as well as the household pet (as you can see in my photo). Dragonhead is a creamy dark brew similar in appearance to Guinness with a bitter chocolate and dark coffee scent to it as well a taste that again reminds of chocolate, coffee and nut with a spicy sort of finish to it. It goes down fast, smoothly and satisfies without a lingering odd taste in my mouth either. Also if your an admirer of stupid Viking stuff the bottle is large and worth displaying on your mantle or whatever.

Although meant to be a tribute to the Vikings I expected the beer to have been a bit more intense on the tongue with a stronger after taste and I think the 4.0% alcohol is slightly low. I mean after all weren't the Vikings a bunch of rowdy drunken motherfuckers?! Right, therefore more alcohol more rape, pillaging rowdiness!

Would I buy it again? Possibly but since it does remind of a less intense Guinness and since I paid $5.00 for a single bottle I'm sure I could find something more worth while. Either way this is a decent brew that would go well with dinner and as far as I'm concerned a fitting tribute to those Scottish Vikings of many moons and beers ago.


#4 Brasserie Dieu du Ciel! - Solstice d'hiver
Want me to buy your beer? Just put some cool artwork on it and you've got a bottle sold! Actually, as soon as I spotted this brew, Gris' sophomore release, 'Il Était une Forêt...' came to mind and since both Gris and this beer come from Quebec it seems appropriate enough, although I don't suppose I'll be drinking while listening to their music. Or maybe it's the best thinkable combination imaginable?

Solstice d'hiver is a dark beer with burning red highlights within and pours out with nearly no head. Its taste is both sweet but also slightly bitter, there's a hint of malty caramel with each swig as well as some sort of fruit-ish taste, cherry perhaps. The aroma is distinctively hoppy and alcoholic in character, likewise the aftertaste is quite hoppy too. At 11.5 fl oz and 10.2% alc/vol its a wonderful lip smacking tasty beer or barleywine if you want to be technical about it, which honestly now that I think about it probably don't have much experience with. I really wish I'd bought more than one, but the $4.99 price tag held me back from doing so. I'd really like to see this available in a 4 or 6 pack someday as I could surely make an evening out of this one.

Not much else to say other than this is one to check out, maybe even more so if you have much experience with barleywine's or enjoy listening to depressive black metal while sipping down a good brew.


#3 Fade to Black
"Life it seems will fade away, Drifting farther everyday, Getting lost within myself, Nothing matters no one else, I have lost the will to live, Simply nothing more to give, There is nothing more for me, Need the end to set me free..." What metalhead hasn't taken these old Metallica lyrics to heart and deep thought at least a few times during their lifetime. I know I have and although its probably just a completely random thing, I'm glad there's a brew that is named after this legendary song.

Fade to Black pours out a jet black shade with barely any head at all, in fact I even thrashed the glass around like a maniac just to create a little with very barely any results. Oddly this stouts aroma seemed a bit lacking too, with just a faint scent of burnt coffee, but perhaps a mild cocoa smell too. The taste follows my nose fairly well too as again there's a typically stouty coffee taste with a little bitterness, but that's what life is like sometimes, bitterness. Interestingly there's also this pepper-ish aftertaste, which really adds a certain zing to the whole thing and makes it a bit unique.

I found this one as a six-pack and the price was reasonable at $8, but would I buy it again? Its hard to say as there are so many good stouts out there, but this creamy peppery coffee one really has something interesting going on with it. Definitely recommended for fans of stouts or for those that just want a brew with a random weird heavy metal connection.


#2 Lucifer
All true metalheads love the fallen angel Lucifer, and now that he's got his own brew, simply titled, 'Lucifer' you've got even more reason to worship the unholy one. Lucifer comes corked and caged to hold his divine evil, wisdom and taste carefully inside, but once you've unleashed the malice within and launched your thirst be prepared for something extreme with this one.

Lucifer, curiously doesn't pour out a dark blood red, but rather a hazy yellow-ish shade with a very fluffy white head. The initial smell is very citrus in character as well quite yeasty and alcoholey after a few more inspections. The first swig reveals a very typical Belgian yeast taste, though a few more and I discover a citrus lemon tangerine-ish zest, as well a very carbonated, pale, barely sweet and mostly bitter taste with each turn. Hell, there might even be a fruitcake somewhere in there. Curiously this one seems to taste slightly better as it warms up.

'Lucifer' is not for everyone as its a bit more harsh and the way I see it the dark lords brew should be a tough taste to swallow. However, at least for me this 1 Pt 9.4 fl oz. 8% alc/vol drink is something slightly different for me, but I definitely do enjoy it... but is it metal though? Why, yes it is, simply because Evil and Satan have been inspiring metal since the beginning. "Look into my eyes, you will see who I am, My name is Lucifer, please take my hand..."


#1 Wake Up Dead Imperial Stout
"Wake up dead, you die! Wake up dead, and buried, Wake up dead, you die, Wake up deeeeeeeeead!"

Oh, excuse me, every once in a while beer makes me break out singing and why not when you've got a stout in your glass that's unintentionally named after one of Megadeth's most legendary songs. Therefore, I sip, drink and chug, 'Wake Up Dead Imperial Stout' for you today as the last and final brew in this top five countdown!

Wake Up Dead pours out a dark brown almost dark burial gravel black color with a minimal amount of head, which is light tan in color and all in all very typically stouty in appearance. The aroma is like the fetid reek of rotting flesh, but, well, no... as its quite hoppy and coffee like on the nose, but I can at least wish for a zombie brew, right? The first swig reveals many different tastes - Burnt coffee, licorice, smoke, woody and a little caramel & toffee-ish zest. As the stout sits I find it becomes a bit more bitter in taste, but still quite good with a strange lingering cherry-ish taste somewhere in there too. All in all, not too bad at all with a semi-creaminess and easy after taste too.

'Wake Up Dead' is 1 Pint and 6 fl. oz in size and 10.2% ABV, which means you'll probably be feeling just fine by the time you finish it off. If truth be told though I did buy this one just because of the name and the artwork, which fucking rules, and in an odd sort of way reminds me of the Inquisition artwork on their latest record, 'Ominous Doctrines of the Perpetual Mystical Macrocosm.'

Off hand I don't recall what I paid for this stout, but I don't seem to remember it being anymore than $6-$7, which isn't bad, but perhaps due to it not tasting wildly different from other stouts I might not pick it up again. However as always if your looking for a drink that has random weird metal connections, then here you go. Crank some Megadeth and keep longing for that zombie epidemic!

It's Black Friday, paint the devil on the wall!

What! You're not drunk! Well, at least you've just downed five total rockin' metal brews, anyway! I now return all ownership of this blog back to Miss Jackie.

drinking weather is upon us.

despite my love of kitchen experimentation, my history with mixology is decidedly sparse. so imagine my surprise when i managed to put together a damn-near perfect beverage last night. it's been done, certainly not too new or exciting, but here's my tasty version of a bourbon mojito:

The Fruitcake Ambush Bourbon Mojito

2 oz good quality bourbon (i used Black Maple Hill because it's my favorite)
2 oz fresh lime juice
2 oz water (still or sparkling, your choice)
1 spearmint sprig (homegrown, if you've got it)
1 tbsp raw sugar
ice, crushed if you're so inclined, and i am

firstly, if you intend to take your summer drink making seriously, it would behoove you to acquire a muddler. you will need this piece of equipment for some of the best hot weather cocktails, specifically (because it's one of my favorites), the caipirinha.

moving on, take your new muddler, mint, sugar and a Collins glass and start muddlin'. you don't want shreds of mint, so just do this enough to release some of the plant's oils.

add your ice to fill the glass, add your liquids, stir with the iced tea spoon you should all have (i have a southern grandmother), savor, repeat. best enjoyed on a wraparound porch with fragrant night-blooming flowers nearby.